The Art of Love and War
by Total Virus
Summary: My first story! An AU about the Naruto people, plus some new characters widely loved on many a site I have been known on. Presenting... Sky and Sachi!
1. insert smart title here

A/N: HELLO PEOPLE!

Aoki: Hi...

Anoki: You're no fun. Anyhow, we're Aoki and Anoki, the Irish Twins. Don't ask why we'reIRISH twins. It's just fun.

Aoki: And Anoki is a year older than me.

Anoki: Yes I am.

Aoki: Anyhow, this is our firststory. Our pride and joy.

Anoki: Our child. Our very screwed up child...

Aoki: Just keep quiet, will you?

Anoki: Because you said that, I won't.

Aoki: Well, anyhow... _(Trying to cut Anoki off)_ You just sit down and enjoy the story while I eat popcorn and laugh at your stupid looks brought on by the stupidity of our story. Ha. Ha.

Anoki: And isn't our title just GREAT! It's SO misleading! This looks like a serious story, but in REALITY!...

Aoki: IT SO ISN'T.

Anoki and Aoki: DISCLAIMER!

Disclaimer: Naruto and Co. belong to Masashi Kishimoto. We want Itachi, but we can't have him...YET. Sachi, Sky and Rin is ours though...And don't ask about Rin, she'll come in a few...Hundred...Chapters. Yay.

* * *

Outside the sun was shining brightly. It was the first day of school for students all over Canada, and that was no exception for the students in the University in Ottawa, the country's capital city. 

Rays of light poured into one room in particular; a room that held two girls that were alike and yet different in their own way. One was a tall girl around the height of 6'8'', but in the future she would hit the final height of 7'2''. But that is unimportant. She had black hair splayed about on the light blue pillow her head rested on, and behind those pale lids were emerald green eyes with the deadliest glare you will ever see. She also had a relatively...Large ass, but never say this to her face unless you want to be introduced to her lovely mouth.

In the bed on the other side of the room was a much shorter girl, a regular height for an eighteen-year-old, and trying to hide away from the infernal sun that was trying to proclaim morning. Light blue hair was tangled and the mess of hair was the only part of her that you could actually see. If her eyes had been open, you would've seen a slightly darker version of her blue hair.

Suddenly, as if God Himself had decided that these girls were lazy asses that abuse to get themselves out of bed now before they were late, the alarm clock started shrilling as loud as humanly possible and then some, making the tall girl, Sachi Itsumi, and the blue haired girl, Sky Midori, jump out of their beds with twin, 'AHHH!'s, falling onto their back or in Sachi's case her head, both glaring openly at the happily screaming mechanical contraption that they decided Satan had created just to torture them for his morning entertainment.

"Damn thing." Sachi muttered, lifting her leg and slamming her toe lightly onto it, making the thing finally shut up. This put the taller girl in an even MORE awkward position, but she was a dancer, making her flexible, so she wasn't even hurting. And if she was, she was damn good at hiding her pain.

"It may be a damn thing, Sachi-chan, but it's telling us that we have fifteen minutes to have a shower, get dressed, have our teeth brushed and eat something before we get our duffel bags and go to the lovely dorms in the University of Ottawa...Which starts in an hour." Sky said smartly, sitting up and looking at the girl who looked like she was now sitting upside down. "And you might want to sit on that rather large butt of yours before you kill your spine or something."

"First of all, no comments on the work of art," Sachi muttered, pointing to her insulted butt, before flipping over and standing up, stretching out her arms. "Second of all, that thing is ten minutes slow..." She blinked, then ran to the bathroom. "SHOT GUN SHOWER!"

"DAMN YOU, YOU BIG ASSED SON OF A BITCH!"

"Don't insult my gender and my mother!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE A MOTHER!"

Sachi's head poked out of the door. "Iruka-Daddy could be my mother, he's so...House wife-ish."

"Just take the damn shower already."

"Kay."

And that was how Sachi and Sky's LOVELY morning started.

* * *

Their house was relatively nice and, well... Un-used. Before they had met each other, Sachi had lived with her 'father'. A.K.A. The person that found her after her parents passed away: Iruka. Sky however, had lived not with a parent, but with a 'brother'. A.K.A. The person that found her after her friends, which found her after HER parents had passed away: Naruto... They hadn't lived in it for long, about a summer, but it was a home. 

Small and quaint, it was light blue with a white roof. Only one floor, but Sachi and Sky discovered their attic was freaking HUGE and that was mainly used as the 'second floor'. So, not only has this mis-matched duo not seen their 'family' in over two months, but they hadn't really seen anyone. They saw no use in going out except for beer, hang-over medicine, and food. You can guess who wants what...

In a few parahraphs...

* * *

"Know what?" Sachi muttered as they got into her car, theur stuff in the trunk. Her hair was still wet and was stringy, sticking to her skin as she adjusted her green tank top, black shorts fading and her black flip flops dangling hff her toes for a moment before she kicked them off, scooted them to the back seat, and placed her feet on the pedals. She looked over at Sky. 

"What?"

"I hate mornings."

"Oh, how intelligent of you, Sachi! You're the smartest person in the WORLD!"

"And you need to learn how to become less of a grouch in the morning!"

"YOU STOLE THE BLACK COFFEE!"

"You're not old enough to handle black coffee!"

"WHY ARE YOU?"

"Well, let's see. I'm three years older than you, little miss 18, making me 21, making me eligible to handle black coffee!"

"And dry sake...And beer...And wine...And anything with alcohol..."

"Shut up."

"Whatever."

A few minues passed in silence as they drove down the highway, making their way to the school.

"I hate mornings."

"Shut up."

* * *

"We're lost aren't we?" 

"Of course not! We just don't know where we are!" Sachi said, shoving a map at her. "Look at that thing."

"Why can't you?"

"I don't understand it."

"...Why not?"

"Sachi?"

"...It's in Spanish."

Sky hit her head on the dash board.

* * *

"Usted es el idiota más grande que he satisfecho siempre." 

"Me no understand, señora pain in my neck."

Sky sighed. "You're the biggest idiot I have ever met. Anyhow, turn right."

"Kay!"

* * *

"And we're here!" Sachi said, punching a fist into the air as she hoped out almost an HOUR later. 

"Did you go see Lee last night for ANY STRANGE REASON WHATSOEVER? Or are you just COMPLETELY wasted and really good at hiding it? 'Cause you seem pretty damn happy to be in school again."

"Well, I know Lee's having a party in two days, but no, I didn't see him. And have you seen me drink my regular bottle of sake today? NO. So both of your guesses are incorrect, my small friend."

"I'm not small. I'm normal. You're the freak."

"That hurt." An unfamiliar voice said, and both girls looked back at the unfamiliar person--Okay, Sachi didn't really recognize the guy. Sky sure did, though, apparently.

"OH MY GOD, NARUTO-KUN!"

"Oh my God my EARS! THE PAIN!" Sachi said, clapping her hands over her ears at the shrill shriek of her azure-haired friend. "Are you trying to make me deaf?"

"Maybe."

"WHAT?"

"Nothing!" Sky then turned back to Naruto, and promptly glomped him, making him fall on the ground of the parking lot. "I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!" She squeeled, rubbing her cheek against his shirt.

"You moved in with somebody else..."

"I met Sachi, my best friend that is FEMALE!"

"What's wrong with being male?" He asked, crossing his arms snobbishly.

"I don't have to get completely dressed before leaving the washroom."

"Damn straight!"

"She has the worst mouth ever. I warn you now." Sky then climbed off of Naruto, and helped him up to his feet. "So, you go to this school, too? That's totally sick!"

"Yup. First day. I guess you guys' are going here too?"

"Sachi's been in University before, but this is her first time in Ottawa. So I suppose so."

"FUCK! MY TOE!" Sachi yelled, hopping up and down, glaring at her suitcase.

"Did you drop the suitcase?"

"HELL YES! What a bitch!"

Naruto openly stared, and Sky turned to look at him. "Yeah...I warned you about her mouth. It's really bad..."

"Dude, I wasn't staring at the fact that she swore." He went to point at her...Bottom area. Okay her 'ass' area. "That's one HUGE-"

"DON'T SAY IT." Sky clapped a hand over his mouth before he could finish that sentence, and Sachi blinked, before she went back to unloading the luggage, AKA: The Bitches and Bastards that Break your Toes. Oh boy.

"Anyhow, I guess I'll see ya later, Sky? Sachi?"

"What are you talking about?" Sachi asked, leaning back against the now closed trunk of her black car. "You're free labour. Pick up our luggage boy, you're helping!"

"What?"

"NOW!"

"NOO!"

* * *

"Tsunade-san! Good to see you!" Sachi exclaimed, rushing over and hugging the blonde woman with the largest set of breasts you've ever seen. Oh, Sachi was blunt. Very blunt. More blunt than the bluntest of knives. 

"It's good to see you too, Sachi-chan, Sky-chan." Tsunade said, patting Sachi's back. Sachi smiled, and hugged her a bit tighter, making Tsunade gasp, before she pushed the girl off of her, and sighed softly, cracking her knuckles. "Anyhow, I'm glad you guys could come. We don't have a room for you yet, so you're going to stay in the teacher's lounge for a while. I guess free labor ((AKA: Naruto)) can put your stuff on the couch in there. Today we have no classes, it's just a big assembly and then a tour and you trying to figure out where the hell you're going to go when you need to get to your classes. I'll talk to you later, I'm going to go save the girls in the change rooms from Jiraiya."

"He's here too?" Sky asked as Naruto stumbled over to the couch, tripped over his own feet, and dropped their stuff beside said destination. Good enough. "Shouldn't he be in jail for sexual harassment?"

Tsunade nodded. "Yes, regrettably so. And no, he got a pardon. I hope you don't have to take a class with him."

"What does he teach?"

"Spanish." Sachi and Sky both blinked, recognizing the language that their map was in. They then both shook their heads. "Good, good, that's wonderful to know. Anyhow, have fun, Sachi-chan, please, PLEASE, don't break anything, and oh yeah--Make yourselves at home." She then waved, and walked out. Sachi smiled, clapping her hands together and rubbing them evilly, making Naruto break into a nervous sweat.

"LET'S DO THIS!"

"OKAY!"

"God, give me strength." Naruto whispered as he was dragged away by the almost in-humanly tall female. "A LOT OF STRENGTH!"


	2. Monkey

Monkey

A:n/ Well, it's just Aoki this time! Yep, chapter TWO! _(Does happy dance)_ Oh, and if your wondering, other chatacters shall come in within the next two chapters, such as Sky's 'brothers'. All... Okay never mind I lost count at about 'every male on the face of the earth'. _(Rolls eyes)_ And this chapter, it includes Shina! Heh heh... Shina is probebly the most loved character, but she doesn't come up to often. Only with her 'stalkee' Shino. Poor, POOR Shino. -.-;;;

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I wish I owned Hayate, Obito, Sasuke, and Itachi. I am a fan of uke people. Anyway, the only characters I do own so far are Sky, Shina, and Sachi. The 'S' squad! Super Stupid! XD No, no... Sky is an A+ student, except in english, where Kakashi begs to fail her. Okay, on topic now, I DON'T OWN NARUTO!

* * *

Naruto collapsed into the worn-out couch in the teacher lounge and tried to wipe some sweat from his forehead. He had spent FOUR HOURS trying to place all of Sachi's stuff into the room. Sky, being ever so organized, had everything she would need for the entire YEAR in three bags... And her light blue 'Hello Kitty' messenger bag she had owned since she was sixteen. Sachi, being ever so rough with her belongings, needed six suitcases and three bags full for her CLOTHES. He sighed and tackled the bottle of water Sky gave to him, chugging it all down in under ten seconds.

"I call that skill." The younger girl grinned, taking the emtey water bottle from the tall blonde.

"I call it 'Sachi's luggage'."

"I call it 'You missed a bag'."

"Leave me to die... PLEASE!"

Sky crossed her arms and stared at her freakishly tall, female friend. "You can get the last bag yourself. I think Naruto-kun has had enough of dragging around your hang-over medicine. SUITCASES full of it!"

Sachi rolled her jade eyes and left to grab her last bag. Sky joined Naruto on the couch and grinned. Naruto was tall now. He totally grew during the last two years. Patting his fluffy blonde hair, she tackled him into the couch and executed her perfect fox grin. Learned from the one and only 'Fox' himself, Naruto.

"Sorry. Sachi doesn't do work if she doesn't have too. I guess she's just kind of, Sachi, like that. Anyway, how have you been? One whole summer seems like a long time... I guess I felt like that being with my own gender might do me some good." She laughed nervously and looked out the door. "Well, Sachi is more of a male than most MALES are."

"No kidding." Naruto laughed, pulling himself up-right again. "I think in a manly contest, she might even beat me... Might." The tall male patted Sky on the head, and a light blush came to her face. "Hm... What is it?"

"Oh, it's nothing! I just haven't seen you in a long time. Guess I got use to having my own space."

Sachi dragged her last, HUGE bag into the room and toppled over, almost hitting her face on the table, just skimming the side.

"FUCK! My face!" She yelled, holding below her eye. Sky rushed over, pulling some band-aids out of her messenger bag, the 'Hello Kitty' one she ALWAYS carried around. Naruto watched as Sky took a look at the scrape on Sachi's face, carefully wiping some blood off and placing the bandage across the mark.

'Hm... She always does that for everyone.' He blinked, thinking as far back as he could remember... Which wasn't to far. 'For me... A LOT... First aid on track days, children, even the littlest cuts on people... She's just kind of- Like that. Caring...'

"-uto?"

"HEY! DUMB-ASS!" A cold voice blasted into his ear, forcing him back into reality and his hands to his ears.

"Dear GOD my ear! Deaf!"

"SACHI!" Sky yelled at her over-grown friend.

"What?"

* * *

Naruto layed down in his bed after another four hours of unpacking. He was happy to be done, but of all the people, of ALL the people, why did he have this person as his roomate?

Aburame Shino...

Naruto will NOT sleep well tonight. Shino creeped him out more than horror movies, and Naruto felt as if he was always watching him behind the glasses. Which he probebly didn't, but it was AMAZINGLY creepy none the less. Especially at night, where he might kill him in his sleep. So, Naruto decided tonight, he won't.

'Creepy...' He whinned, inwardly crying to himself.

* * *

Sky smilled as she jumped onto her couch. The tour and such had gone particularly well untill they reached the greenhouse where Kiba suddenly started sneezing and coughing, and everntually had to be taken to the hospital over-night. The tour continued for the rest of the students, but it ended quicker than it should have, without them knowing half the school.

'Glad I know all my class rooms though!' She grinned, pulling the cover up to her face. 'And I get my real room tomorow!'

While Sky was particularly happy about the way things were going, Sachi wasn't. Why? There where three reasons...

1. NO SAKE! She hadn't had ANY sake today.

2. Most of her classes were on the side of the campus they HADN'T gone to.

3. Compared to even the teachers, she was STILL freakishly tall. Dammit.

She glared at the cushion, trying to set it ablaze with her firey stare, then outside. An odd ruffle of the trees made Sky and Shino, despite being in different rooms, shoot up at the same time. Sachi and Naruto both glanced over at their friends, and Shino instantly grabbed a pre-packed suit case, and dashed for the door, while Sky grabbed a folded up piece of paper.

"Whatever you do Naruto, if some really annoying STALKER of mine comes in, don't tell her where I went."

"Where are you going?"

"Not telling."

* * *

Sky turned on the computer and quickly set up a web cam, typing in someones e-mail and pressing enter. Shino, thought in his room just hours ago, was now sitting in a chair in a new school altogether.

"So... Think you might escape her this time?"

Another odd russle in the trees brought a girl smashing through the second story window, and a banner, which up till now had not been there, flying down behind her, and in BIG **BOLD **printing read-

"HELLO SHINO!" The girl yelled.

"Oh god... It's Shina." Sky whispered, shuting off the web cam.

Shina had fairly short, brown hair and amber eyes. Her original name had been Amber, but now everyone just called her Shina, because she had been in Shino's group for a while in elementary school, and has been his stalker ever since. She was quite stupid, which explained why she got along so well with animals. She was the only thing dumber than themselves.

Amber looked worriedly from side to side, then at the blue haired girl standing beside her computer. (( Oh, and if your wondering about Sachi, she just had a heart attack and is currently having a rather large, shaky seizure on the floor. Nothing to worry about. _(Laughs)_))

"Is Shino not here?" Amber asked softly, still looking for her 'love'.

Her web cam turned itself on again, and into the screen popped Shino. He gasped and ducked, keeping from Ambers line of view. "Uh no... But I have his address right here. He said he would be waiting for you. His university, dorm, dorm number, phone number. Underwear size-"

"Really?" She asked, eyes glittering with joy.

"Yep, he said he would be waiting for you." Sky grinned evily, passing 'Shina' the paper.

"THANK YOU!" She screached before jumping through her broken second-story window.

Shino almost burned a hole through her computer screen using the sheer hate of her giving even his UNDERWEAR size to his stalker.

'I'm going to kill you-'

'SHINO!'

Shino shot to his, by Sky's view, left side, and out-stretched his arms in defense. Letting out a petrified 'NOOOOOO!' The screen turned to static, and Sky let out a sigh. Only because of Shina will Shino scream like a girl... Or scream and talk constantly at all.

Sachi coughed and picked herself off the floor, eyes wide in terror.

"What the FUCK was that?"

"That was love..." Sky sighed happily, Shino AGAIN appearing on her screen, Shina's arms glued around his shoulders.

"And this is war..." He glared through his black, now cracked, sun glasses.


	3. The Day After Tomorow

A/N:

Aoki: Well, I just came back from **_Anime North_**! ((_Squee))_ I saw a Shino and Hinata cosplayers, and I stalked them for a while they were so cute... Well, Shino was cool, and hot, but Hinata was adorable! ((_Fangirl scream))_ Eeee! XD

Anoki: Well... Finally, chapter three. This chapter is... Uh... Well, random. The actually story line hasn't even come up yet! Well, it will start in chapter 4, don't worry. ((_Deep breath))_

Aoki and Anoki: DISCLAIMER!

Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto...

Aoki: Though I wish I owned Hayate... His voice is the smex! And Hayate is SO COOL!XD

Anoki: ((_Plastering pictures of Orochimaru's voice frequency on the wall)) _And I wish I could listen to his voice.

Both: If only we owned Naruto...

* * *

The sun peeked over the horizon, shining merrily through the open window of the teacher's lounge where Sachi and Sky slept, Sachi on the couch, stretched out with her knees over the arm of the couch, her head on the other arm, and Sky curled up on the armchair, as small as possible. 

Now because of how Sachi was sleeping outwardly, and Sky was sleeping inwardly, the sun affected the taller woman more than the blue haired one. And Sachi, being Sachi and not having had her morning sake, food, or a shower that morning since the sun rudely woke her up, did the only Sachi-like thing she would do.

She got up, grabbed a shoe that had been missing its partner since she met Sky, which was years ago, walked up tiredly to the window, opened it, and with all her strength and might, threw the shoe at the sun, watching it fly in the air for a while. She felt Sky shift, don't ask how she felt it, she's skilled like that. Anyhow, she felt the smaller girl shift and wake up, then walk over to her, and look out the window with her, the shoe still flying high towards the sky.

"You threw a shoe at the sun."

"I threw a shoe at the sun."

A silence fell between them for a while, and Sky shook her head and blinked, still watching the shoe fly. "It's not falling yet."

"I think it might make it this time."

"Ooh."

Meanwhile, up in the vast emptiness of the solar system, towards that rather large ball of gas called the sun, a new entry fly towards it, still at great speeds. It was Sachi's lone shoe, going towards it final destination.

Finally, it hit the sun with a sizzle, and a heat bubble formed, before quietly popping, doing no damage at all.

On earth, Sachi and Sky saw the sun pop, and clapped. "World record."

"We really need to call those guys."

"We're lazy assess."

"Right. Get your morning cereal and your cup of sake Sachi."

"You made me breakfast?" Sachi asked in surprise.

"Yes, now eat, you freak."

"YAY!"

* * *

Sachi walked...Okay, ran towards the other side of the school with her Math textbook and binder, cursing every god under the sun that had taken minimal damage from her shoe that morning. It was raining, though it was sunny an hour ago-- 'Damn weather man...I'LL STRANGLE HIM WITH A SHOELACE!' --, she couldn't find a pair of socks that morning so she was in her sneakers in bare feet, which felt...Weird...And whatcoiuld beworse? 

The subject wasMATH.

Now, Sachi was practically a genius. Let's actually CALL her a genius, if we will. We will, won't we? Anyways...So, you would think Math would be a snap to her...RIGHT?

_Ahem._ No. WRONGO. Math teachers signed this contract to always hate Sachi Itsumi, she swore to all the gods under the blasted sun. But of course, Sachi's theories are usually bullshit. Oh well.

Bursting into the Math and Science building, she ran through the halls like a madwoman/giant, and jumped into the classroom just as her name was called. "HERE!" She shouted, falling into a seat and panting tiredly. "Here."

The teacher looked at her, then snorted. "Good. Here's your schedule, we're required to give them to you. And Ms. Itsumi...Never be late again."

SEE? What did she tell you? ALL Math teachers hated her!

Sachiglanced down at her schedule, and rose an eyebrow at the Math and Gym teachers' names...Conveniently the same man...

Shite, Jacobs. Last name pronounced 'Shit'.

Covering up her need to laugh, a tear formed at the corner of her eye as she grabbed her stomach, quickly gaining control again.

"You're joshing me."

"Excuse me?" Mr. Shite asked, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. "I don't understand."

"You're jerking me around! Your name can't be Shit!"

He glared at her, and she shrunk back into her seat.

All math teachers and gym teachers hated her...

* * *

Sky, to say at the least, was having a much better day. It seemed that her first class was Geography, not one of her best subjects. But she had a really nice teacher that helped her out named Mrs. Belldandy. Now wasn't that just such a sweet name? Yes. Yes it really, really was. 

She sighed softly as she looked at some of her classes, raising an eyebrow at the gym teacher's name. Shite...Hmm...

She then practically gagged when she saw her English teacher's name. Ohh...Sachi wouldn't be happy about this...

Unless, Sachi conveniently forgot about he man she swore to hate forever and the man that Sky made a bet with a few years ago...Oh...My... We can only hope. Pray to God, and cover ourselves in lucky rabbit's feet.

She sighed, hitting her head on the desk, and was promptly poked in the side by someone who's aura screamed, 'QUEEN OF SHY'. Looking up with tired blue eyes, she looked into a nervous pair of pale, PALE lavender eyes. "Umm...H-hello...I'm Hinata Hyuuga.." She introduced herself in the softest voice imaginable. And Sky's first reaction?

SHE WAS SO CUTE! She wasn't to glomp her...But that would seem slightly psychotic...So instead, she opted for introducing herself. "I'm Sky Midori. It's nice to meet you, Hinata-chan."

"Y-you too, Sky-san." She said, bowing her head a little. AH! So the girl was an otaku as well? It looks like she made a new best friend! Sky always loved meeting people who knew anything at all about Japan. "Um... Neji-onii-kun said to ask you about finding where the Otaku club was... And, um... Can you show me please? I can understand if you don't have time..." Hinata asked shyly, playing with her fingers.

"Oh I'd love to!" Sky quickly agreed. "Neji and I have been friends for years! I'll show you to it after class. It starts at 3pm, so we'll meet back at the door to geo class at 2:30 so we have lots of time, okay?"

Hinata just nodded shyly and walked of with a tiny smile on her face. Sky wanted to scream out 'SO CUTE!' and go tackle her, but alas, she had some manners. Not many though.

* * *

It was lunch. Sachi thanked whatever god made up lunch as she dragged herself to the courtyard, looking for Sky... 

Only to see her surrounded by a multitude of people. Of course, Sachi wasn't fazed by this. Oh, no, not at all. Quite used to it, actually.

Sky Midori was a people magnet. She was so likeable and friendly and polite and she had the best personality. She was like a fallen angel from earth, sent to cleanse people of their sins, and Sachi always felt honored to have such a wonderful person as her best female friend.

And the thing about Sky? She didn't mean to attract people to her. It was like in her aura or something. It screamed, 'I'M A NICE PERSON. LOVE ME!' And many people did. Sachi was proud to announce she was her 'big sister'. Her only one, in fact. She had a million older brothers, and every single one of them, including Sachi, was very overprotective of Sky. And if anyone hurt Sky, they would hurt Anyone. So whoever is named Anyone...You're screwed.

Sachi plopped down next to Sky, and grabbed her sandwich, smirking at her as the people around her sized her up, then noticing her size, accepting and feared her tallness. "So, I hear Shino declared war on you."

"You were there."

"I know, but I've always wanted to say that. So, shall I be peacekeeper, or be in your troops?"

"You're second in command."

"Sweet deals." She bit into the sandwich, then looked at her. "So, I'm gonna tutor in your English class. Since I've technically already graduated college, or I was supposed to, if it hadn't been for my Math and Gym marks, so Tsunade-sama is letting me skip out on some classes that I rock in, and tutor. I'm in the English and Arts tutoring buisness."

"Why Arts?"

"My major is dancing, moron."

"Right, right..." Sky then looked at her. "You know who the English teacher is?" Sky asked nervously, picking up Hinata's habit of playing with her fingers nervously.

"No..."

"Uhh...Hatake Kakashi."

"... ... ...What?"

"It's...Kakashi-san."

"Your fucking kidding me, right?"

"Um... No..."

* * *

"I can't believe that perverted son of a bitch is the _ENGLISH_ TEACHER here! He's stalking me, isn't he? STALKING PERVERT." 

"Sachi-chan! Please calm down! You'll burst a vessel!"

"SCREW THE VESSEL!"

"SACHI-CHAN!" Sky threw a random rock at Sachi, and Sachi blinked, calm. The people around Sky and Sachi were quivering in fear.

Sachi Itsumi had a slight problem. She had a really bad case of anger management. In fact, the doctors call it her fairly violent second personality. If given the chance, a weapon, and a cut to make her bleed, she is very capable of murdering someone and no one would ever find the remains. We don't know how, and don't care to find out. We've already lost too many men.

There are two ways to calm her down. Let her kill, or hit her on the head with rocks...There are two other ways, death and sake, but the first two are the more popular choices...Except for sake, which Sky used often, but she didn't have any on her, so she chose the rock.

Sachi sighed, running her long fingers through her black hair, and closed her green eyes tightly, breathing through her nose. "I cannot believe he's here..."

"Nothing'll happen, Sachi-chan...What are you so worried about?"

"Iruka-Daddy has this huge ass crush on him! I haven't seen him yet, and now I know why! IRUKA-DADDY CARES MORE FOR THE PERVERT THAN HIS OWN DAUGHTER!"

"Adopted. And as it should be."

"WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!"

Sky's just roller her eyes. They suddenly became very glittery at the thought of two MALE teachers hooking up. Lets just say, Sky is a yaoi fan. "Oh my... That would be wonderful if Kakashi loved him back, and they had a romantic affair! And suddenly Iruka's old lover came back and swore revenge on Kakashi... Oh... It would be a perfect romance drama!"

"What the fuck are you on Sky? Kakashi doesn't like Iruka-Daddy that way... Okay, he might, but whatever... Not something we need to care about."

"Oh, really?" Sky sighed, putting her notepad down. "Thats a shame. I could've made millions online with that story."

"Stop being mean to Iruka-Daddy."

Why does Sachi call Iruka-Iruka-Daddy'? Why is she his 'daughter'? That'll be explained in due time.

"Uhh...Hey crazy lady and Sky, sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to invite you guys to come to a festival with me later on in the week?" Naruto asked, popping his blonde head in through the crowd. Sachi looked at him with a deadpan look, and he squirmed. "Your glare...Can KILL."

"Maybe that's because Sachi most likely has more testosterone in her than you do, Naruto-kun, and this is saying something since she trully has none."

"Okay, so that MAY be true. But only may be. I'm the most manliest man I have ever met!"

"You just said you have no testosterone Naruto... I'd say that's an E-5."  
"Dammit!" Naruto cursed, pulling out a mirror, and holding it to reflect his face, but still letting Sky and Sachi see him. "How can you be so cruel to someone so sexy?"

"Oh, the vainity." Sachi muttered, shaking her head and not even insulted in the whole testosterone thing. It was, quite possibly true. Sachi was one of the most athletic girls you'll most likely ever meet.

"Speaking of sports!" They so weren't. "I'm gonna go find the volleyball couch."

"That would be Umino-san." Hinata stated quietly, looking at her. 'Sachi-san was so confident...'

"Really? Maybe I should try-out too."

"IRUKA-DADDY!" Sachi hollered, then dashed out of the courtyard towards where her 'Iruka-Daddy Sensors' led her. They never failed her...

"Great...She's gonna go on a sporting binge again, isn't she..." Sky muttered. People stared at her. "Sachi Itsumi will be on every team this year. Don't doubt it."  
"Even football?" A male asked.

"She'll kick your ass in it, buddy. Good luck on keeping your balls."

"Eep."

* * *

_Note_: In my class, the males, and myself, Aoki, call it an E-5 when someone disses themselves trying to diss someone else. How did this start you ask? Well... 

Kyle: Brandon, when I look at you, it's like looking in a mirror, I see a fag.

Everyone else: ... _'What an idiot...'_

Brandon and Karl: E-5.

...It really all started when they played a game on a playstation2 together, and Kyle did something stupid. The code-word for what he did was E-5. So, they used it to insult mainly Kyle. An idiot. _((Laughs))_

A/N:

Aoki: Authors note number two... Review please! I only have one, and it was two confusing words long! . But thank you SpiralRasengan very much. You will always be in Anoki and Aoki's hearts as our first fan. ((_Tackle glomp))_ THANK YOU! ((_Cries))_ But yes, reviews get special recognition here, so review, and be LOVED by me! What more could you ask for?

Anoki: To be loved by someone else?

Aoki: That wasn't nice... ; ; ((_Sniff))_


	4. Enter Prince 'StickUpHisAss'The Third

And Shino killed everyone.

The end.

A/N: Aoki: Yes... Shino got so ticked at Shina for stalking him for five years now... ... So he killed everyone. Ha ha, you suck. No, I kid, I kid. Now, remember how I said the plot line would come up? Well, I decided it hasn't. Wait a few ((More like a few hundred)) chapters for the plot line. Anyway, Anoki is in the A/N at the end of the chapter. Don't worry until she has an asthma attack.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I DON'T own Naruto. I DON'T see a POINT in putting this EVERY time!

* * *

'Sasuke-sama! Wait up! Ah!' 

'Sometimes, you're such a dork. Here, take my hand...'

'I'm sorry Sasuke-sama.'

'Don't worry, and it's just Sasuke, okay?'

'Okay Sasuke!'

Sasuke slowly woke up to see today it was pouring grey rain. Rubbing his hand, he sighed and fell back onto his pillow again. He hadn't seen the girl, even in his dreams, in a long time. Honestly he almost forgot about her. But she was always in the back of his head, playing with those butterflies in the park they always used to play at. 'Wonder what she's doing' often came to his mind when he remembered her white hair and pink dress. Honestly, that was all he could remember of her. He sighed and got up. Today he really didn't have to do anything, mostly because he didn't want to. He honestly didn't care. He was passing in those gay, rainbow-ish colours everybody used to explain how they were passing with amazing grades. He pulled himself to finally turn off his alarm clock that had been loudly ringing for the past...

Two hours...

Sasuke just kinda gaped at his alarm clock, wondering how someone such as him, who was such a light sleeper, could possibly sleep past his alarm. Especially since Naruto had also been knocking on his door for a good ten minutes too.

"HEY SASUKE-TEME! Get your lazy ass outta bed!"

"Don't lecture me, dobe. Usually, you're the one who sleeps in."

"Well, today, we go shopping like feminine little females!"

Sasuke just stared at Naruto like he was going to kill him, thinking something totally off topic until now.

"How the hell did you open my door? It was locked."

"Not important. It's so trivial. Why do you care?"

"It was my god-fucking door."

"My, my, such a bad mouth. Shall we wash it out with soap?"

"Go near me, and I'll make you into this female in which you speak of acting."

"Oh my. I didn't know you would flow that way."

"OUT! NOW!"

* * *

Sachi blinked, while Sky finally finished all her homework from the night before. Sachi didn't care. 

"Hey Sky?"

"What?"

"I think our sex was just mocked..."

"Your point?"

"Well, that means you were just mocked."

"Dammit."

* * *

Naruto had quite a fun time dragging Sasuke across campus to throw him into his car, while still being able to feel his stomach from all the kicking Sasuke had been doing, trying to wriggle out of Naruto's firm hold. Sasuke wasn't too happy about being dragged into Naruto's car with his pajamas on, but he quickly relaxed when he realized he didn't have to get out of the truck. He stayed uncomfortably in the back seat, glancing out the window to see what Naruto had been doing. Eventually, after two hours, Sasuke started to get a REALLY bad feeling. Not because Naruto could be dead, no, he wouldn't care, and not because his butt was numb, again, no. He felt like something VERY, **VERY **embarrassing was about to happen. 

And it did.

Naruto was practically radiating the aura of, 'He's gonna hate this.' when he left the shop, which coincidentally had no sign on the front door to tell him what Naruto was doing, so Sasuke felt, really, REALLY nervous.

"Oi, Sasuke-teme! Look what I got you!" Grinning like the Cheshire cat.

Sasuke felt the need to become incredibly small, and tried to press himself onto the floor, or as close as he could get in the cramped up truck.

"Check 'em out! Yours is SOOOO cute..." Naruto mocked, pulling out THE MOST EMBARASSING THING EVA.

A yukata...

...Covered in yellow ducks, and light blue flowers. While the background was... Sasuke hissed... _Pink_...

"You're fucking kidding me."

"Nope! I want you to look as CUTE as humanly possibly during this weekend! My guests of honour will adore you!"

"I don't care about your freaking guests of honour Naruto! I'm NOT wearing that." Sasuke gleamed 'I'm going to kill you slowly.' while still being able to hold his fiery death glare of 'Ultimate-doom-and-destruction'.

"Ouch. That hurt. Now, don't be so hard Sasuke, my friend will simply be crawling all over you in this!"

_With a video camera..._

"DON'T. CARE. Get me away from that... That _thing_..."

"Ouch, you hurt its feelings."

"My god Naruto, it's not alive..."

"Aw... He didn't mean that." Naruto continually mocked Sasuke, stroking the silk lovingly. Sasuke's eye just twitched, and he crammed himself into the corner of his seat, as far away from the driver's seat, and the bag, as physically possible.

"Take... Me... Back..."

"Kay!"

_He agreed so easily. I am going to die...

* * *

_

Well, it was finally lunch again, and Sachi had just woken up. Sky was quite happy with herself, being able to actually drag herself to her half-day classes, but was quite disappointed when Sachi, being ever so lazy in the morning, decided to skip out.

"Okay!" Sky grinned, placing Sachi in the passenger seat, covered in blankets from head-to-toe, despite already being dressed; Sachi had refused to get out of her warm blankets. "We're going shopping for kimonos! Like the girly-girls we are!"

"We're girly-girls?" Sachi moaned through her cocoon.

"We are for now!"

"…"

"Don't die, okay?"

"…"

"Sachi?"

"Hammered…"

"It all makes sense now! I'll get the hang-over meds!"

* * *

It took no time at all to get to the mall, but it took an amazingly long amount of time to get Sachi out of the cocoon and out of the car. 

"Sachi… PLEASE get out of the blankets."

"No."

"I'll choose your kimono for you."

"I'm out! I'm out!" She yelled, falling out of her blankets and on to the parking lot floor.

"Good."

_Works every time…

* * *

_

It took even longer than Naruto and Sasuke to pick out a kimono for Sachi. Mostly because Sachi… Didn't like any of them. Damn…

"Sachi! We NEED to finish up here! I already have a kimono! And I've tried it on! SIX TIMES! And I have sandals, and a necklace and a CAT…TO GO WITH IT." Sky said, looking at Sachi pleadingly, as she sat there stubbornly, flipping through a magazine.

"Show me another one, please."

"I hate you…SO MUCH." Sky moaned. Sachi nodded and pointed to the kimono rack.

"What about this one?" Sky held up a white kimono with silver patterns. Sachi looked up, and then raised an eyebrow. "What? It stands for purity!" Sachi raised her other brow. "…RIGHT."

Sky then put away the white kimono, and picked up a pink kimono with a yellow pattern of flowers. "What about this one?"

Sachi once again looked up, and then blinked. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

"Why, Sachi! It's a kimono! See?"

"I'm not a retard, dumb ass. I'm talking about the damn colour."

"Uhh…Pink?"

"Now think of what you just said."

"…Point taken."

Sky picked up a third kimono. It was red and blue with frills and strange patterns and was completely HORRENDUS…But Sky was desperate now.

"This one?"

Sachi looked up, and then nearly had a heart attack, falling off of her chair.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!"

"Ehh…It's one of the last ones! You practically turned down EVERY KIMONO IN THIS SHOP!"

"That _thing _has FRILLS! **FRILLS!**"

"Yeah, well, it's not like you're gonna choose anything else!"

Sachi suddenly pulled out a lighter, turning it on. "I'm burning it."

"You tore the blue one! DON'T BURN THIS ONE!" Sky sighed, and then threw the kimono over her shoulder. "That is it. There is ONE LEFT. Like it…Or DIE."

Sky whipped out the last one, the shop owner looking desperate for them to leave. He finally pulled out this thing, willing to give them both their kimonos FOR FREE if they would JUST LEAVE.

The kimono was black with red and green dragons on the skirt and on the back. A collectors item, the shop owner said, just like Sky's rare kimono. It had a red obi, and the sleeves practically dragged the ground. He was going to give them this expensive kimono, and Sky's for free.

Sky's kimono was a light blue with darker blue patterns of what looked to be waterfalls and bubbles. There were dark blue and silver fish 'swimming' around on the long sleeves and the skirt as well.

"Alright, this is the kimono that the owner gave to me for you to try on. What do you think?"

Sachi looked up, prepared to burn anything if necessary, then went wide eyed, jaw dropping, before hearts appeared in her eyes and she tackled Sky to the ground. "YOSH!"

"AH GET OFFA ME!"

* * *

_One Day Later_

"Well, Sasuke-teme!" Naruto said happily, clapping his hands together and rubbing them, as if plotting evilly in that jigsaw puzzle of a brain of his. "I'm driving the special guests of honour, SO, you're gonna hafta drag your OWN ass in your own damn car….To the festival."

Sasuke blinked, then raised an eyebrow raised, a 'What-the-FUCK' look on his face. "You're telling me, dobe, that I have to drive myself, to a festival in TORONTO, after you gave me that HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING KIMONO…As a joke?"

"…Yup."

"I'm going to kill you in your sleep, I swear to God."

Naruto just gave Sasuke a perfectly executed fox grin and waved goodbye. Sasuke just glared at him and turned away. At least Naruto had managed to buy him a relatively bearable yukata. Dark blue with silver moons. Slightly bearable.

Sasuke sighed and got dressed, slipping on the god-forbidden sandals. It was going to be very hard, driving his car, in straw sandals. God dammit.

Sky and Naruto jumped into the front seats of Naruto's truck, while Sachi lay down in the back seat. It was the only way she would fit in this cramped up car of Sachi's DEATH.

Sky had fun with Sachi's hair. A little too much fun. Her hair was in a bun, with strands of hair spiked up around it, with chopsticks holding her hair up. And of course, the two strands of hair framing her face, as usual.

Naruto didn't do anything with his hair. He just wore a silk yukata with blue and orange. His signature colours.

"Just like old times, eh Naruto?"

Sky had her hair up in a ponytail, and then clipped up with a sakura hair clip. Her hair looked like her had brushed it so many times, and was finally perfect and un-frizzed from all the shopping she had to do for Sachi. Like her kimono, her hair resembled the water. Very pretty.

"Oh yes! This is going to be SO much fun! You should've SEEN my friend Sasuke's face when I brought in the prank yukata you made me! Priceless!"

"Ah! Really? He sounds so entertaining! And nice, and charming, and-"

"Okay, painting the wrong picture here! Totally wrong guy!"

"The fuck are you guys talking about?" Sachi moaned, throwing off her sandals. "Fuck those are killing my feet."

"Naruto's friend Sasuke-kun."

"A.K.A. Prince-Stick-Up-His-Ass… The third."

"Ooooo."

"The third?" Sachi asked.

"Long story." Naruto grinned into the rear-view mirror. "God I'm sexy."

"Sachi, can I just agree with him so he'll stop?"

"No."

* * *

A/N: Aoki: Cha! Fourth chapter! Laughing And I just watched 'Laughing Shino! Hee hee! It was SO funny! And then I watched a Chouji and Shikmaru AMV about their friendship. Yay! Teh cuteness! 

Anoki: WHEE!

Aoki: Yeah, and I'd LOVE to see Sasuke in that pink yukata I made him!

Anoki: Sky made him that. You're Aoki.

Aoki: Shut up! _(Smiles)_

Anoki: ANYHOW! Guess what makes the world go round?

Aoki and Anoki: REVIEWS!

Aoki: Please send us some! We'll love you FOREVER!

Anoki: Why would they want us to love them? They don't KNOW US.

Aoki: Well then…My Sasuke Plushie will love you! Come on, it's SASUKE!

Anoki: Ooooo.


	5. I forgot the name of this chapter!

Chapter Five

A/N: Aoki: I was gonna ask Anoki to write this chapter, but finally, grad is over, and I finally have time before I head off to camp. Anyway, I'm making this a really cool chapter for all three of our new reviewers! Oh my god. (Squee) Three. It's amazing. All in one weekend. This is also dedicated to all those AMV's that give me inspiration. The latest were amvs about Naruto's dirty little secret, Sakura as the girl next door, Ritsu is more than Useless, Dare you to Move, so on and there are many more. Also my new found love of my little internet brother, Nathan Ketner ((Gaia online. I ish Tsubasa Reservoir)) and avi art, and xxxholic theme song. XD So much dedication...

Anoki: PLEASE DON'T GO OFF TO CAMP! IT'S THREE WEEKS!

Aoki: Aw Jesus Ch- (Fan people taking out pitchforks) You just HAD to scream that out, didn't you? Okay, dip me in chocolate and throw me at 'em. If that doesn't work, I have the power of Sasuke on my side.

* * *

Sky skipped alongside Naruto and Sachi happily, looking at everything in excitement. "These things are so much fun! Look at all the otakus, dressed up in kimonos and yukatas! We look like we're actually from Japan!"

"Now, if only you didn't have blue hair…" Sachi said teasingly, poking Sky in the ribs.

"And you didn't have green eyes…" Sky retorted, kicking her in the shin. Sachi winced, but didn't do anything, causing Sky to pout and cross her arms stubbornly.

The three walked around the festival, looking at the sights of it all. Booths were everywhere, and people that loved Japanese culture and had come wore beautiful kimonos and yukatas, their hair in intricate designs for the women, the men had their hair in their normal fashion.

Sachi sighed, stretching her arms up and looking over the heads of the people in the crowed, being the tallest girl…Person in there. She sighed, scratching the back of her head when she saw a stage set up, and someone talking.

"What's that?" She asked, pointing to the stage.

"Something that isn't starting for another hour." Naruto said, pushing the interested Sky and the confused Sachi away for the stage, pushing them towards a booth where they could win an overstuffed teddy bear.

"OH I WANT IT!" Sky said, pointing to the large stuffy. Naruto smirked, pushing up his yukata sleeves to get ready and win it for the girl, but Sachi just slapped her money on the counter, took the balls that the had giving her, and with the precision of a pitcher in baseball, which she was, threw it hard at the milk bottles. Not only did she knock down the damned glued together things; she completely smashed them into hundreds of itty bitty pieces.

"The teddy bear, if you would so kind." Sachi said, smirking at the astonished faces of the owners, who just handed it to her, while the woman was cleaning up the glass. She handed it to Sky, and sighed, stretching her arms again, walking away. "Cheap bastards."

"Such a dirty mouth for a lovely lady," a voice said behind them, and Sachi turned her head around to raise an eyebrow at whoever spoke to her. Her eyes widened, and she squealed in delight, glomping whoever it was.

"IRUKA-DADDY!" She said happily, smothering him with her hug. "I haven't seen you since yesterday! Why haven't you visiting me? Have you been talking to that Hatake Kakashi again? Iruka-Daddy, what have I TOLD you about him? HE'S A PERVERT! A GOOD FOR NOTHING PERVERT THAT NEEDS A LIFE!"

"Like you're one to talk, Sachi." Sky muttered, hugging her teddy bear while Naruto was still shocked at the fact that she SHATTERED the milk bottles, while, in all his life of trying to knock down the things, he's only knocked them down. WAS SACHI MORE MANLY THAN THE SEXY HIM? My Lord! It can't be! Quickly pulling out a mirror, he checked himself out, and then sighed in relief. Good. He was still goddamn sexy.

"Oh, Naruto, suck it up! Just because I have the best pitching arm in the province, doesn't mean you have to go 'Mirror, Mirror on the wall' on us." Sachi said, letting her surrogate father breathe in deep breaths. She then sighed, and crossed her arms, eyes narrowing. "Where is silver-head anyhow? I wanna pound his face in."

"No, no, no!" Sky said, waving around frantically. "DON'T DO THAT! That's just MEAN to the English teacher!"

"You care?"

"Right now, yeah, I kinda do."

"….Fuck damn." Sachi then sighed, and closed her eyes. "What's next?"

Sky looked up from her adorable plushie and through the crowd to see a tall, silver haired man. Gasping, Naruto and Sachi looked up to see the azure haired girl making her way through the crowd.

"Be right back!" She called over her shoulder, disappearing into the crowd.

"Oh no! Miss. Sky! Don't leave the group!" Iruka called, holding his hand out, but failing miserably on retrieving her. "We're not gonna find her, are we?"

"Nope..." Sachi sighed.

"Dammit." Naruto added.

* * *

Sasuke saw many blonde shocks of hair in the crowd, but none that he really knew. He did, however, see many other, annoyances, that he really didn't want to deal with at the moment.

"Sasuke-kun!"

His fan club, for instance.

Sasuke started to quickly make his way through the crowd as his fan club bulldozed through everyone. Did they even care they probably just broke that old lady's ribs? He continued as fast as he could, making his way towards the edge of the festival. He sped up just in case they were still on his tail, shutting his eyes and keeping crouched until he suddenly crashed into something.

Sasuke looked up and noticed he had accidentally crashed into a girl's chest. This was followed by an awkward silence as they stared at each other, but Sasuke failing to remove his face from her bust.

He finally registered the incident into his short-circuiting brain, and lifted himself up quickly.

"Uh... Sorry..." He apologized quickly. "I-uh- usually don't... Um..."

"Oh no worries!" She smiled brightly, just waving her hand in forgiveness. "That seems to be a re-occurring oddity now. I was jut looking for someone, but it wasn't him."

Sasuke pulled himself to his full height to see he was actually almost a head taller. What was really odd about the situation was that she really had no chest at all to crash into anyways. She was fairly flat-chested.

"Uh, well, how can I make it up to you?" He asked quietly, lightly thinking to himself. 'And how can I ever regain my dignity?'

"Um... I need to get to the prize booths. I accidentally ditched a few friends there, but I'm a little lost I think."

Sasuke blinked. He had just passed the prize booths, and this girl couldn't even find them? She seemed a bit dense to him. Especially since, from the look of the big bear in her hands, she had just come from there, but then again, he did owe her...

"It's over there, past the stage, and beside the food court." He said simply, watching the girl pass him. "What? Wait a second!"

The girl was dragging him by the wrist with her over to stage five. He hadn't even relized in until he accidentally tripped over himself and stumbled.

"I want you to meet my friends. If that's okay with you... Okay, lets go!"

She didn't even give him a chance to reply before they got to the prize booths. There, Sasuke noticed, was the man he had been looking for all night.

"Naruto-kun!" The girl smiled, running over to him and tackle hugging Naruto.

"Hey! We thought we lost you fora second!" Naruto grinned, looking up from her. "And what's this? My little Angel has found our little Emo? Aww, good girl!" Naruto cooed and complimented the girl like a dog before she blinked, let go of Naruto, and pointed at Sasuke.

'So this is Naruto's little _Angel_?'Sasuke thought to himself, a twitch of jealousy raining through him. Sasuke felt slightly nicer around the girl Suddenly, he had an urge to-

"Naruto, is this that _dick-head_ you wanted me to meet?"

-rip her little wings off.

* * *

The second part of the festival was probably the most annoying experience he had ever had in his ENTIRE life. The girl he finally found out was named Sky, kept stalking him with a video camera, and Sasuke eventually lost all dignity when her giant friend, Sachi, tripped over he slightly drunk self and ripped his yukata. He had no choice but to wear the duck one. He thought all was lost when Sky got shots of him in the HORRIBLY embarrassing yukata he had only agreed to wear when Naruto said he would run around the campus with his underwear, well, not only on his downstairs, but on his head, with the words:

SASUKE IS SO COOL!

Written on his stomach in black permanent marker.

Jesus Christ, not to be discriminating against Christians, but, this was gonna be a LONG night.

* * *

"And, ladies and gents! Time for our magic show! Where we pick a member from the audience that had pre-registered at the beginning of the festival, seeing as our original show girl didn't show up tonight..." He coughed out a name that sounded like 'Shina', and Naruto, Sachi and Sky just blinked while the rest of the crowd laughed like it was funny. Corny bastard. "Anyways, lets see here..."

A stage hand brought out a large, closed steel wire ball filled with little paper names. The magician 'poofed' ((Meaning in A/N at the end)) out a name with his wand, and suddenly, Naruto grinned as a girl suddenly disappeared from beside him and right over the stage. She fell a few feet, then suddenly landed perfectly beside the magician. For a few seconds, she looked dazed, quite confused about what was happening, then suddenly, the magician pulled a micro phone out of his hat.

"May I ask your name, our lovely new contestant?" He asked curtly.

"Uh-Um...Eh... Oh, it's Sky."

It took about half an hour, but after all the papers were signed, Sky was dressed up, the large act was ready to begin.

"Now!" The magician grinned. "We will put Sky in a glass coffin, inside a HUGE glass case, and fill in full of dirt. Then, I will magically pull her out to safety!" The crowd started muttering as Sky walked onto the stage. She was in a lime green frilly short skirt, magenta pink spaghetti strap shirt, hair dolled up like a j-pop artist. "Did I mention there are about 80 tarantulas in the small, glass case with her? But no worries, you can see everything. A camra in the coffin provides a look into this magic trick."

The crowd started going mad as the brave, blue-haired girl stepped into the case. Lowered into the HUGE ASS glass case that took up the whole back stage and half the front stage, a helicopter and a few dump trucks filled the large case with dirt. The screan poppped on, and Sky layed on her back in her small, confining space, waving happily at the camara.

"So, Sky-chan, how are you doing?"

"Totally fine!" She chimmed. "Just wanna say, heya Naruto. Hey Sachi! Look at me! I'm gonna die before I even turn nineteen!"

The crowd cheered and laughed for her high-spirits, and many men whisled. Sachi and Naruto just glared at them, and the fan-men instantly stopped.

"Okay! Your coming out!" He grinned, waving his wand in the air. Suddenly, another 'poof' filled the coffin, but Sky hadn't come out. Another stage hand dashed onto the stage and whisprered something into the entertaines ear, and he instantly froze.

"Uh... Hello? I don't think it worked this time. Although, I think there was a sudden increase of poisonous spiders in here." Sky grinned, watching a spider crawl over the camara.

Sasuke started to get an odd feeling in his gut, and he turned to Naruto. "This is all part of the show, right?" He asked nervously.

"Yep! It should be!" Naruto said it in the happiest tone he could muster, but Sasuke knew he was nervous. A sudden CRACK rang through the microphone in the coffin, and the magician turned around. Naruto's fear was suddenly relized as a very nervous, but still somewhat happy Sky tswated a few spiders off the camara to reveal that dirt from OUTSIDE the coffin was slowly seeping and clumping in. She turned the camara to show a large, thincrack running in the middle of the coffin from one end to the other with dirt creeping onto the spiders and Sky.

"Um... I don't remeber this being a part of the act. Can I PLEASE get out. I REALLY don't like this anymore."

And thats when Naruto and Sachi cracked.

"SKY!"

* * *

A/N: Aoki: Thank you Anoki for the first page and a bit of the chapter! It was so cute and entertaining! And guess what? Yes! The FIRST REAL CLIFFHANGER! Your all gonna KILL ME! F#&!Anyways, sorry to say, but I won't be here for three weeks. Yep. Three weeks. Ha ha. No, actually, being an up-coming famous internet writing SUPER-STAR! (_Her dream)_ That does suck. Oh well, Adios and all that shit, LATER!


	6. Maybe

A/N: Yep, it's been three weeks since I've last posted a chapter, but Aoki is back! **LE CHA**! XD This is to continue the cliffhanger I left a valued reviewer at, Spiral. That's right, our first, and now most constant reviewer. This one is for you! Oh, and this story now had a dedication and memorial.

This story, 'The Art of Love and War', is now dedicated to my deceased cat, Elvis. Just days after I left for camp, he fell sick, and only days after that, he died. I wasn't even there to say bye. I was sailing for three weeks straight. I finally get recommendations for the national sail team, and this happens! (_Sigh)_ But so it goes...

Anyways, this was a very serious chapter. Enh. Oh well. Next chapter will be more entertaining.

Disclaimer: I probably forgot this in a few chapters, but I don't own Naruto, any of his friends or enemies, or so on and so fourth. Misashi-sensei does.

* * *

Sasuke looked on in horror as a girl he just met laid helplessly in a glass coffin under tons of dirt and pressure. His two companions dashed through the crowd, looks of horror, screams, Sasuke had heard it all before. As if a natural reaction, Sasuke dashed behind Naruto, folding up the bottom of his yukata so he could keep up. Blocking out all the noises ringing in his ears, he finally caught up to Naruto. He watched a feeble attempt made by Naruto to get the girl out. Kicking and punching up and past the point when Naruto's knuckles started bleeding. It wasn't doing anything. He glanced up at the camera to see Sky's arms in front of her face, trying to keep the dirt out. 

"Move it, dobe." Sasuke breathed, pushing Naruto aside and pulling out a pocket knife. Naruto just glared at Sasuke, trying to get up, only to be pushed back by the magician. "I can handle this."

Sasuke carved a line as large as him into the glass. Concentrating his energy into his hand, he took a shot at the glass and the glass shattered along the line. He jumped back and dirt poured out of the case. People cheered and clapped, and Sasuke had a sense of worth. He grinned and turned to Naruto, only to find him digging the rest of the dirt out until he hit the case.

"Sky!" Naruto yelled as Sachi kicked the glass in.

Pulling the azure haired girl out, he looked over her. She had fallen unconscious, but she looked alright. Naruto pulled her into his arms and started crying as Sachi started to call the ambulance. Sasuke felt a wave of annoyance and pain rush through him again. _Why should she be the one getting the hug? Sasuke **saved **her!_

Sasuke shook his head. Naruto's a guy! Why the HELL should he care?

He heard a cough and Sasuke looked over. The crowd roared as Sky lifted herself up into the sitting position, yawning like she had just fallen asleep. Naruto beamed and ruffled her hair, and she smiled in contempt through her half-closed eyes. "Good girl." Naruto letout, letting Sachi bull-doze him over to tackle-hug Sky. "YAY! GIRLIE! Your alright!"

"Ouchie. Sachi, your hurting me..."

* * *

Sasuke thought he had gained nothing from this encounter. He had saved a girl, and that's it. Why had he even saved her in the first place? He couldn't even tell himself that. Sasuke calmly walked around the near-deserted festival, only to find himself back at the place he had met Sky. Only this time, it was Naruto standing on the small bridge, looking out upon a small lake. 

"Oi, dobe, what are you doing here?" Sasuke asked dryly, approaching the blonde. He blinked as Naruto continued to stare at the lake like he wasn't paying attention. Naruto looked like he was actually _thinking_. Sasuke grinned as he snuck around Naruto. _I wonder what would would happen if I yell at him..._

"Hey. About back there, I wanted to say thanks."

Sasuke jumped back in shock. "Oh. It was nothing." The brunette said blankly, pretending like he was expecting Naruto to say something then.

"No, really. It isn't as simple as that." Naruto breathed, turning around. "I've known Sky as long as I've known as you. In grade school, I let her live with me. She was all alone for God knows how long, and she really hadn't made any friends. She had one more, but... He got sick. I've been her only friend for... Um..." Naruto started counting on his fingers and Sasuke just stared in amazement. Only Naruto could be that dense as to make a conversation that was meant to be serious into this. "About 6 years. Give or take a few." Naruto closed one eye in thought.

"Jesus, your such an idiot dobe." Sasuke grinned, crossing his arms.

"Well fine! Maybe I won't invite you to dinner tomorrow!"Naruto pouted, sticking out his tongue. "Sky will be in the hospital over-night, so I have a day free, but if you don't want to..." He grinned slyly.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll go..."

No one had any idea how happy Sasuke was at that moment. Maybe that girl was good for something...

* * *

Sky blinked and looked around. Her clothes and video camera where on a night stand beside her, and she gasped and looked under the covers. Good. Clothes. Quickly deducting she was in the hospital, she picked up her camera, coughed for a few minutes, and turned it on. 

Beaming at the shots of the boy in the yukata, and the whole VIDEO of her getting trapped in the magic show, Sky sighed and looked over to one side of her. A man not much older than her was coughing and wheezing, and the bags under his eyes showed he didn't get much sleep.

"You okay?" Sky asked, trying to get up, but being pulled back by wires and machines. "Ouch! Ugh... That must have done more than I expected."

The man coughed and looked at her through tired and beaten eyes. "Oh... Your awake..." He gasped between coughs. "I was wondering who you were... I think I know you..." He tried to lift his head up, but he was still to weak. Placing his head on his pillow, he glanced at her, then her name tag. "Sky-chan?... Where have I-"

Sky blinked and coughed up bits of dirt. "Hayate-aniki-sensei!" I was wondering where you went! You were going to teach me math! Iruka-sensei took over! You were also my mentor in highschool! I missed you!"

Hayate just grinned. "Yes. That's it. Midori-bozu."

"It's Sky!" She pouted, crossing her arms. "It's kinda ironic that we meet like this. I guess your condition got worse, huh?"

He nodded, but sighed. "It's getting better, I'll be able to teach again soon. So, you'll see me more often. I'll be teaching music."

"Music!" Sky beamed. "That's amazing! I take music second term! Let's both promise to make it until then." She held out her pinky, and he turned and held out his shaky hand, she joined their fingers and they both sighed taking back their hands.

"Sky Midori..." A voice came from the door. "You can leave in the next few hours, but if you continue to cough, or the spider rashes get worse, take this medicine and call us again." A woman told her from the door. The nurse looked worriedly at Hayate, who had fallen asleep again, and put a second bottle of medicine on his table.

"What's wrong?" Sky asked as the nurse checked over his status pages.

"This patient has been here for a number of years and his condition hasn't been improving. We're nervous about his bodily stability. He might not make it to Christmas."

A nervous pounding made itself known, but all she did was grin and shake her head. "No, I'm sure he'll be alright."

* * *

Sky got up and the nurse un-hooked all the machines. She changed back into her kimono. Taking a picture of herself, she hooked up her tiny portable printer and printed out the picture. Leaving it on Hayate's beside table, and signed it. 

'Promise to Meet me There Aniki _xx Midori-bozu_'

"Well, time to hit the road back to Ottawa." She grinned, exiting the big hospital doors. Looking around for her car, she stopped and froze when she remembered she had gotten a drive from Naruto, and undoubtedly he had gone back to the campus.

"SHIT ALL!"

"Shut up out there! This is a hospital!"

"Sorry..."

* * *

A/N: This was a short chapter. Oh well. Anyways, read and review, for I AM VIRUS! XD Fear me, for I will give you trojans while your not looking! No, I kid, I kid. I'm not that mean. 


	7. Meet the Men, Or the Whores

A/N: Aoki: I told you this chapter would be more entertaining! And just you wait...

Anoki: Next chapter will be insane. Alcohol is so involved.

Aoki: Oohh..

Anoki: And Sachi gets the surprise of her life! AND YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!

Aoki: Yes they will.

Anoki: Kill my fun why don't you. ANYHOW! Disclaimer, take it away!

Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto. That's it. So don't sic lawyers on us. PLEASE.

* * *

Naruto had never been so nervous in his life.

"So…What should I wear?" He asked, smiling.

"Well, before you ask me that…YOU SHOULD PICK ME UP."

"…Right. But…My, uhh…Hmm…" He fell silent for a moment in thought.

"Just call it a date, and tell me: When are you GOING TO PICK ME UP?"

Naruto pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment, before talking again. "Well, I only have half an hour until my date…And it takes about fours hours there and back to get Toronto. So…You're kinda screwed. Take a hotel; put it on my bill, if you take the most expensive place there I will gut you. Love ya!" And he promptly hung up.

Sky glared at her phone, scowling. "I'm going to stay at a 20 star hotel, JUST TO MAKE YOU PAY." She grouched, slamming the phone onto the receiver.

"Please be more gentle hanging up the phone." A passing person said. Sky flipped them off when they had walked off, before walking out of the phone booth, looking around the streets.

"Now to find said twenty star hotel."

* * *

Naruto sighed as he walked away from the phone, wading through the mess that was his room's floor, and went into his closet, peeking his head in carefully. "Did the monster in my closet go away yet?"

After checking thoroughly for the monster, he grabbed his clothes: a tight sleeveless orange shirt and black skater shorts, then grabbed black sneakers and a random pair of orange goggles. Smiling happily, he went into the bathroom, and slammed the door, making Shino glare at him through his sunglasses, before going back to his blue prints to run across Canada, avoiding Shina at ALL COSTS. He had the money. He had the blue prints. NOW HE NEEDED THE TRAIN TICKETS.

Back to our Hero…Wait, we have a hero? Anyhow, onto our OTHER hero…

* * *

Sasuke was in the same position… Sasuke was also nervous.

Unlike Naruto though, he actually dressed for the occasion. A black turtle neck and dress pants, he thought, would better suit a dinner than Naruto's view of a day at the beach. He fidgeted and pulled at his collar as he looked over at a picture of Naruto and himself some fan girl had taken of them at the beach. He grinned at it, and how stupid the dobe looked, and how uncommonly happy he had looked. He hadn't realized it, but Naruto and Sasuke, not to be in third person but… Were actually good friends.

'And hopefully, later we could be-'

Sasuke stopped himself mid sentence, looked at himself in horror, and started bashing his head against the wall. "NO! NO! NOT LIKE THAT! OH. MY. GOD."

"Now Sasuke, what did the wall ever do to you to deserve having your head bashed against it?" A familiar dobe said, and Naruto stopped mid-bash to look over at the door, blinking stupidly. Naruto grinned, waving. "Hi."

Sasuke glared at the blonde dryly, rubbing his forehead as the spot the wall hit, not him, started to bruise. "Hey, are we going or not?" He asked simply, approaching Naruto. "Nice outfit. For a dobe."

"I take slight offense to that, but screw it. We're going somewhere fun for dinner!" He grinned. "Like a sports bar, or a pizza place! I shot gun running up to Chucky Cheeze and molesting the little rat first!"

"Okay… No… Keep me out of your sick fantasies."

"Well, there is one more fantasy I'm sure you won't mind being a part of." Naruto grinned slyly, pressing himself against the brunette. "How about it, you me, tonight, bed?"

"FUCK NO! Naruto you little whore! Go to hell!"

"Ouch. I'm sure Sky won't mind though… She likes my bed."

Sasuke twitched and died a little inside. That chick again? Sasuke just glared at the mental picture he made of her… On Naruto's bed.

Yes readers! Let your minds wander!

Sky: NOOOO! MY DIGNITY! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!

* * *

Sky twitched. "Naruto just talked about me that I would probably beat him for." An oncoming sneeze brought her deduction to a close, and she glared at the sky. "NARUTO YOU LITTLE FUCKER!"

She stomped down the streets, flipping off any and all passer-byes that looked at her in any funny way, and she even snarled at a dog. That poor dog will never be the same.

She then smashed open the doors to the train station and made her way to the ticket office, glaring heated white hot daggers at them. They shivered in fear. "One ticket. To Ottawa. NOW."

They gave it to her for free so that they wouldn't die from her glare. Sky had the power like that.

She made a mental note to thank Sachi for teaching her the death glare later.

* * *

Sachi was, for some strange reason, hanging around Tenten and Rock Lee, all three of them planning the party Lee was going to have that night. The freakish looking boy looked at the list of groceries, and blinked, looking at Sachi.

"There are a lot of alcoholic beverages on the list."

"Yeah? What of it?" Sachi asked raising an eyebrow. "Have water or pop if you want some nonalcoholic." Lee sighed, nodding, before he went off to buy the groceries. Sachi then leaned back leisurely, rubbing at her nose.

"Someone's thinking of me…"

* * *

Kakashi giggled.

* * *

Sasuke learned when Naruto and he had gotten to the sports bar, that the blonde had invited all of the other guys as well. So much for their 'date'. Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes, and leaning against the counter in his traditional, 'I look like I'm thinking but I'm actually not, so hah' pose.

Naruto and Kiba were talking to each other about some party that night.

"Yeah, it's going to be this big blowout party; and Sachi's made sure there's alcohol!"

"YEAH!" Kiba pumping his fist into the air and yanking it back down. "Sweet deals, man. Who's the one throwing it?"

"Uhh…Lee."

Utter. Silence.

"WHAT?" And guess who said this?

SHINO!

Not.

It was actually GAARA!

No, not really.

Okay, okay! It was Kiba! God damn…

* * *

Sachi sighed as she got into her car, putting on her sunglasses for effect, and pulled out of the student parking lot, going out onto the highway to go to the train station. Stupid Naruto going out on a stupid date with stupid Sasuke and not picking up Sky. Sachi sighed. She hated stupid people, and yet she hung out with…How many?

Sachi rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses, and pulled up into the train station parking lot, turning off the engine and leaning back in her chair as she waited for the azure haired girl.

Sky trudged out of the train station a few minutes later, a black cloud of ultimate DOOM above her little bluenette head. Sachi watched with amused eyes as she threw herself into the passenger's seat, glaring at anyone who walked by her, before she sighed and looked at her from the corner of her eye. "Good morning sunshine."

"Shut. Up."

"Someone's PMSing…"

"No, I'm not…I'm angry."

"Ohh, I'm rubbing off on you."

"GET. TO. SCHOOL. … NOW."

"Ma'am yes ma'am."

"Don't mock me." Sachi mock saluted, then turned on the car, flouring it, and speeding out onto the highway before Sky could yell at her. Sky gripped to her seat, forcing on her seatbelt, and looked up to the sky in prayer, knowing…JUST KNOWING…That they were going to die.

How they would die, she didn't want to think about.

* * *

They finally made it back to the school parking lot, Sky shakily getting out and gripping the side of the car while Sachi got out calmly, slamming her door shut and jarring the car, making Sky stumble a little. "MY GOD YOU'RE INSANE."

"Thank you," the giantess said simply, then crossed her arms and rose an eyebrow at her. "We get our room today."

"Sweet deals." Sky said, smirking happily. Sachi nodded, and they both walked into the main building where Tsunade greeted them in her full bosom glory.

"Hello my insane duo who broke every traffic law—including traffic laws in three different continents—getting here! We have got your dorm. Now, there seems to be no free dorms in the girls' dorm, but there are plenty in the boys' dorm!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

Sachi then sighed. "That's great for the guys, but what the hell about us?"

"Here's the catch: You'll be staying in the boys' dorm!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"WHAT?"

* * *

"WE'RE THROWING A PARTY FOR THE GIRLS, YO!" That was Gaara. No, seriously, it WAS Gaara. Really, we aren't joking this time!

…Okay, you got us, it was Kiba again. God…

Naruto looked up lazily at Kiba, raising an eyebrow. "What about Lee's party?" Kiba blinked, falling into deep thought, which luckily did not make his brain shut down before a light bulb went off near his head.

"How about Lee's party IS the party for the girls!" He said, and then grinned. "See, I'm a genius!"

"How many muscles did you strain?" Shino asked lazily, counting his money for train tickets. He needed to get out of Ottawa fast…Before Shina found him…He had JUST ditched her at Marine Land…On the Ferris Wheel…At the top.

Yeah he jumped off and broke a leg, he was fine though.

"Uhh…Maybe three." Kiba answered stupidly, and then shrugged. "Who cares about muscles though when you're a genius!" The guys all face faulted, then sighed all at once in one big group.

"So why are we throwing a party for the girls?" Sasuke asked, sipping his Coke© quietly. Kiba looked at him as if he were stupid, which was odd in itself because it's usually the other way around, then sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Because…" He started, getting close to Sasuke's face so their noses were almost touching. "We wanna get LAID. Duh."

Sasuke shoved his face away from him groaning and rolling his eyes. He was such a retard…

Naruto laughed, closing his eyes and leaning against the counter. "The real reason is because they're moving into the boys' dorm; Tsunade told me this morning. She should be telling them now."

* * *

"TSUNADE I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND USE YOUR SKIN AS MY FLOORMAT!"

* * *

"It should be going well." Naruto said, looking innocent and sweet. Sasuke sweat dropped and the others just stared, even Gaara, who did nothing in the corner but look at people in that creepy way of his. But that's just Gaara…Being Gaara.

Kiba, meanwhile, was thinking about what he had said, ignoring what Naruto had said after a while…

"Booby pillow."

"The fuck?"

* * *

Sachi panted, falling against the floor after having chased around Tsunade for a full out ten minutes, panting as she glared at the retreating figure of the blonde woman, before she groaned, and rolled onto her back, glaring at the sun that had ate her shoe.

Sky walked out, looking down at her, and then sighed. "I've got the keys to our room, and I dragged our bags in there. Let's go."

"Yeah, yeah…"

* * *

"So what's the real reason why you want the party to be for the girls, Kiba?" Naruto asked, looking at him. "And if you give the same reply, I will sic Sasuke on you because he looks tense."

Sasuke twitched.

"Ohh, I'm SO SCARED. I'm wetting my pants here."

Naruto and Sasuke stared at him.

"You're probably not toilet trained, mutt."

"Shut up! No one needs to know about that!"

All the guys, even Gaara, scooted a foot away from the dog lover.

"What! I was kidding!"

"Are you sure…?"

"Who has a lie detector on them?"

"The reason I want the party for the girls: I want to see them stinking drunk." Kiba said, sighing.

"Why?"

"…"

"Kiba…"

"So that they'll strip."

Sasuke promptly threw his glass at him.

"OW!"

* * *

Sky blinked, looking around. "I think someone portrayed us as whores again."

"Ow…How many times is that now in the chapter?"

"Once for you, twice for me."

"Yikes. You're the celibate, though!"

"I know."

* * *

Kiba picked himself off the floor, pulling out a random shard of glass from his skull and ignoring the bleeding, looking at the others and sighing. "What? I'm a growing boy with raging hormones!"

"Did you just hit puberty?"

Kiba stayed silent.

They scooted another two feet away from him.

"You suck man."

* * *

Aoki: And there you have it! CHA! Two chapters in one day! DO A HAPPEH DANCE!

Anoki: Or not. ANYHOW! Next chapter will be out...When I get back.

Aoki: You're kidding. O.O

Anoki: No. So, yeah, there's a month gone.

Reviewers: DEATH...

Anoki: I shall now run. _(Runs)_

Aoki: TRAITOR!


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